To Give and Take

Jan 10, 2011 by kaizenkoh

I like to give. Giving make me happy. Without giving, I will be reluctant to take. I realized that taking is as important as giving though. It is alright to take after you give and I’ve learnt this as a good value to take note of based on a few reasons.

It is polite and courteous to take after giving
After you give something e.g. a favour or a token of appreciation, it does not mean that the other person owes you anything. It just means that he is given a reason to give back and for you to take. If he does so with his heart, he is acting out of his kindness and is trying to be fair to repay the favour in some way. By receiving something from him in the future e.g. a gift for the favour done, you are expressing a form of gratitude. This extends your consideration or courtesy of taking his gift as a value of his gratitude which will make him feel like he has repaid the favour in some kind.

Accept, not reject “taking” back.
Building upon from the above reason, you might even consider rejecting the person’s gift which you ought to take. I do this quite often because I feel that the person does not owe me anything nor do I have the need for the gift or return of favour. However, just by rejecting the “return of favour”, more often than not, you’ve made the person feel bad. He feels bad because he wants you to accept it wholeheartedly but you did not allow it and pushed it back to him. He feels rejected and maybe even dejected. He subconscious might question himself “is my gift not good enough for you?” and other drifting negative thoughts which might not be true. This makes you look bad in the end, though you have your good reasons not to accept the gift. Point it, don’t think so much, when something is returned in favour, accept it, it will make the giving party feel good.

Reason for you to do more good
By accepting and taking back after giving, you now have a reason to do more good for the person. You will be compelled to be kinder and considerate to the other person’s needs. This builds on the relationship or friendship and the principle to reciprocate. You will be seen as someone who is willing to help whenever they need help. They will be willing to give back to you as long as you accept it gladly, while you will be willing to help them because they gave back. It’s the cycle of give and take.

Of course with the above being said, we cannot hide from the fact that people take our “givings” and favours for granted sometimes and never give back. Those are the people who take without giving and we would naturally stay away from them. For those who do give back, however, there are good reasons like the above to accept what they’ve returned, be it in kind or physical gifts. Give as much as you can, but remember to take back too =).

Love,
Kelvin Kaizen Koh

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